Aloha Friday + Payday + Weekend Off = Bliss!
2k3 March 7 - 11:02 PM HST
If ever I was in attracted to balding, smart-assed, beer-swilling men then I'd be smitten with this guy: Dave Attell. He's like a cross between Kenny Loggins and Judd Nelson - what?!? Go and watch his show Insomniac, do it! Even Feda laughs his ass off.

Sometimes when I'm helping the odd customer I take a moment to pause and ponder about their possible psychic abilities. I think hard and concentrate on a comment about their dress/costume or their taste in jewelry and wonder if they can read my thoughts. This is actually a helpful distraction when assisting the non-verbal customer who answers "mmm, yeah" or "mmm, no" to questions that require complex answers. For instance, something like: "Do you think your girlfriend would prefer a rather traditional Wedding Set in Gold or is she more attracted to modern designs in mixed metals." I've asked this question many times and have been answered with a "yes" more than once. Hello! I am a sales associate not a sales psychic. My nametag doesn't say Sylvia and I don't recall running across any Betazoid ancestors in my genealogy research.

Here's a transcription of a conversation I had yesterday when I assisted this woman who inquired about a rather common request.
Her: "You guys can put da Precious Moments stuff on one bracelet?"
Me: "Unfortunately no, ma'am. {thinking: get the hell out of this store} We are not licensed to duplicate those copyrighted images."
Her: "Whatchoo mean, copyrighted? I onney want one bracelet. No need be fancy or ennyting."
Me: "Again, no. {thinking: take a deep breath. Looks like this one requires redundancy.} Our company isn't legally able to duplicate those copyrighted images onto anything. {and don't even frickin' ask me about Disney or Pooh or Roxy or Harley-Davidson either} However, we do have over a dozen designs to choose from. {dozen means more than TEN! can you count to ten? oh wait, I see you have 13 toes} Our company's focus is on creating traditional Hawaiian jewelry. Would you like to see a design sample?"
Her: "Nah, nemmine. I goin' across da hall to Kuuipo Jewahlahs. Reechad can make one fo' me real cheap!"
Me: "Okay, then. {how is it properly stated? Oh yeah, Sod off!!} Thank you for stopping by! {and wasting possibly the last few minutes of my life before this aneurysm bursts}

Did I mention that I'm a math teacher as well? We have customers who have intentions of purchasing $1000 gold bracelets and can't even figure out what a 50% deposit would be. Young teenage mothers often stop by and ask about jewelry and act incredulous when you tell them that a 3-month layaway would require three payments of $250 per month for a $750 bracelet. I often have to explain the metric system to people and show them that 12 inches width is NOT the same as 12 millimeters width. In fact, I've often had to diagram what the difference between height, width and depth is. Wow, I guess I really did need that Geometry in High School!

How in the world did these people even pass the HSTEC exam? How do these people even cope with everyday life activities that require brain power? How can these people be procreating with such irresponsibility?

Ugh. Such heavy thoughts for such a blissful night. I'm going to eat some cookies and drink some ice cold milk.

Tidbit of the day: A 6" cube of Platinum weighs about 165 pounds